Protecting Your Executive Image When Anxiety Attacks
- image anxious executive
This post is the finale of the Executive Image series that Daria (@MominManagement) began in December. I am honored to participate with her and five other amazing women to take this baby home. Kind of like the anchor in the high school 400m relay running for the team gold…not that I know;). For more about the series, visit Daria’s website, MominManagement.
It’s the night before the big event. The corporate bigwigs will soon convene on the convention center, and the keynote speaker, which is you, is up all night with the wheezing and coughing four-year old.
Naturally your husband is traveling for business, and the nanny (who may be your sister, or the resident 17 y/o high school senior, but what the hell, it makes for good executive image, right?) calls in sick.
To top it off, that new gun metal grey Armani suit is wrinkled. Speaking of which, you catch a glimpse of your anxiety-racked façade and wonder, When did I start to look so…old?
What’s a rising executive to do?
Vowing not to succumb to a depressed mood, you reframe the avalanche of negative thoughts and summon your internal resources. After all, it was the ability to kick anxiety to the curb that helped propel you to this stage in your professional career.
You start by thinking non-emotionally (as damn tough as it is when the kid stares you down with that glassy-eyed look and pathetic thermometer hanging from his mouth).
Yeah, that’s it. Think like Tom in Accounting. He’s always the portrait of calm under pressure. ‘Take one for the team’ is his motto.
But then Shorty’s cough takes you off your game, and you’re suddenly haunted by images of mommy blogs (that you secretly loathe, but subscribe to nonetheless) and feel guilty for daring to have a corporate career and young children.
It’s no wonder my vision is blurred.
The January 2009 Harvard Business Review finds that female leaders are seen by all around them to be strong in such traits as tenacity and emotional intelligence, but trail men in one important aspect: Their superiors, peers and subordinates say that women leaders lack vision. http://www.usatoday.com/money/companies/management/2009-01-01-women-ceos-increase_N.htm
“Maaamaaahh…” the four- year-old rasps.
“Hang on sweetie,” you whisper.
Holy Crap, I’m not just taking one for the team, this is more like the entire league…ugh!
As the frustration builds, you imagine the spouse comfortably ensconced on the perfectly made organic King-size bed, wrapped in a luxurious Turkish bathrobe. He likely sips a bourbon and water in preparation for the next eight hours of blissful, non-interrupted sleep.
Unlike yourself.
On the verge of tears, you recall that your last meal was a mid-afternoon banana, and make your way to the kitchen and scan your go-to motivational story tacked to the fridge:
CHICAGO — the young professional woman was in a bind. She had a job interview scheduled with a prospective boss, but she didn’t have a baby-sitter. Not even her Harvard law degree could help her.
So Michelle Obama — still in maternity clothes — strapped her newborn daughter, Sasha, in the stroller and headed out to meet Michael E. Riordan, president and chief executive of the University of Chicago Medical Center. http://articles.latimes.com/2007/aug/22/nation/na-michelle22
Suffice to say, Michelle got the gig, and then some.
Getting your ‘executive sight on’ by sharpening the focus:
Because you can’t afford to be truncated by depression and addled by anxiety at a time like this.
You muster the drive and determination towards level-headed solutions.
Okay. I have options. There’s always options in life.
Just as you model good communication skills on the 9-5, you treat yourself with the same respect as you listen objectively to your thought process, while doing a bit of reality testing.
The temperature is down.
It’s the flu season. In 53 days spring will arrive.
Hubby will be home tomorrow evening.
This too shall pass.
I’m doing this for our future.
You call on insight and good judgment when deciding which thoughts to fire, and which ones to promote.
Thoughts based on fear and scarcity are the first to go.
You take responsibility for the anger you projected on your spouse.
While I would love to have a good night’s rest, he works hard and deserves some peace and quiet.
Though not as much as….
Oops 
.
Breathe. Inhale the good. Exhale the bad.
Next you get creative, because let’s face it, this is what they pay you for when all hell breaks loose.
You drop and give yourself 25 push-ups to get the blood moving.
You practice belly breathing, visualization, and more positive reframes to take the edge off anxiety:
No. I won’t allow this moment to overtake me.
Breathe.
I’m a calm, independent, and competent executive.
I practice integrity, devotion, and commitment.
I run a successful household, and a thriving business.
Everyone has days like this.
Tomorrow is a new day.
I see myself at the podium. I’m calmly and confidently hitting the mark, rockin’ the points that matter, and winning them over with a deft combination of solid stats, incisive intelligence, and a dash of humor.
And tomorrow I will kick some serious corporate ass.
At last, your breathing is regulated. Your heart stops racing and your thoughts are clear.
Thankfully, the cold medicine has kicked in and your sweet child is finally asleep.
You can now sleep soundly knowing your executive image is restored.
Because no matter if it’s paper or scissors, you rock, baby!
***
How about you?
Any tips to share for never letting ‘em see you sweat?
Please leave your awesome feedback in the comments section below.
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Have an excellent week,
~Linda
(Photo: Steve Pepple via Flickr)
said 
Hey – Really like this post. It triggered alot of feelings in me. Sort of can’t name them all, as there are so many. Let me start. I was a corporate executive. I was the manager of the database dept for a large bank on Wall Street in the ’80s. I got paid well. I was on call 24 hours a day. I was called in all times of the day or night. Sometimes all weekend. I’d get picked up in a taxi & driven into Manhattan when there was something wrong with the systems. Whatever. For me, this kind of life was something I **thought** I should do. I got an education, was told women could/should make it in the corporate world, and started working. But once I got married and contemplated having children, I realized there really was not much of a failsafe in US society for families. There ***was no** family leave back then. None. I saw pregnant women standing for hours on commuter buses & trains and ** no one*** except me*** would give them a seat. No one. **Except me and working class men** would offer these women a seat. I was once resoundingly criticized for my clothing by a male boss. He wanted to know why I wore high heels. I wore a suit & heels every day. Yes I was young & attractive. Now I know it was more his problem about how he felt. Now I would go straight to HR. Back then I was afraid to. This wasn’t an isolated incident of sexism. I can write a LONG book. So, I got to thinking, is this what **I** really want? Or did I take on that idea that people should be a certain way and want certain things? I realized I had closed down my own options when I was young. So, no, I decided it wasn’t my cup of tea. There are other ways to make a living. So, anyway, I am not saying it is not for other women. But the way things are for families in US society is a shameful. We lag behind all other industrialized countries in healthcare and family leave. I am probably going to get ALOT of flack about this, but I must add I can empathize with the mom here, but there isn’t alot about the child’s feelings in the post.
Hi Kathy–
What an interesting story you have. And going from the corporate to the clinical is no small feat. It sounds like you made a wise decision to leave, and put your family first.
While I don’t work in the corporate world (other than vicariously with some of my clients), I would like to think things are getting better, and companies are realizing that a stressed out new mother executive is not going to help the bottom line.
In the end, every woman has to do what’s right given her situation. Let’s be honest, some women are not well-equipped to stay home with the little ones all day long. They need the stimulation and pulse of the working environment, if not for the income, as well. You are right on, there wasn’t a lot about the child’s feelings in the post….hmmm.
Thanks for contributing–your input is very helpful!
Linda,
Except for dropping and doing 25 push-ups, this post resonated for me and took me back to my single parent days with my sons. I didn’t have a corporate job, I purposefully worked on my own to have more flexibility but the reality is when a client appt. or training or a speech was arranged I had to be there despite the kids ear infections etc. It could get quite stressful.
As Kathy mentioned in her comment it would be great to have a system of childcare in place that could help us when our kids are sick. But…
Great run on the end of the relay, Cherry
Cherry Woodburn would like you to check out…What Are Two Reasons For Writing A Short Post
Lol Cherry! You know, I used to have dreams in high school where I was the anchor and ran like an 80-year old;). I know… so psychologically-laden.
I know about the stress of balancing the workload with the ear infections-ugh! It’s times like those I wish I was a stay-at-home mom. I’m fortunate to have a flexible work schedule so I can take off.
So, I didn’t sell you on the boot camp tactics as stress relief?
Thanks for stopping by:).
I’m having flashbacks to my corporate days
I think a lot of women (and men too) get so caught up in taking care of everyone and everything that they forget to take care of themselves. It might not be possible to take hours, but we can still take moments.
Katie @ Living Anxiety Free would like you to check out…Eternal Sunshine of the Optimist’s Mind
Now that is a great suggestion–take minutes if hours of free time are just not available. Exactly, if mom and dad are sick, the kids, the corporate gig, and everyone around suffers.
Sorry to re-create your corporate flashbacks, Katie. You really can blame Daria, as she put me up to this quest–hehe!
[...] writes about How to Project an Executive Image when Anxiety Attacks and provides an incredibly funny and spot on summary of the thoughts that rage through a working [...]
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I loved the way that you combined humor with the *truth* many of us feel. Your internal conversation is nearly identical to ones I have had with myself when struggling with the demands of work and home, those inner demons can be contrary. Enough that sometimes the debate continues out loud! (wonder what that says?…)
I do believe the work place is getting more supportive of working mothers – lactation rooms are being provided, flex time is more prevalent, etc. However, we are missing a huge component here. What about the fathers? What about their stress trying to do their share of caring for the kids? They definitely are not given the same latitude that even women are starting to get… “Don’t you have a wife?” has been overheard more times than I’d like to count.
Dads have to overcome the cultural resistance that is still in place in order to be home with sick kids, or to rearrange their schedule for a doctor’s appointment. In my opinion, we still have a very long way to go as a culture.
Daria would like you to check out…Week 7 – Secrets of Executive Image
Hi Daria–well, I didn’t want to tell you, but I was in your head looking for inspiration for the internal dialogues-hehe!
Wow-I’ve never heard that phrase directed at men…that is very sad. Dad’s surely have a lot of neededless stress, too, but I find there’s a lot more support recently. When I pick up my son from school, I see a group of dads hanging out. They seem to have bonded over their roles as the primary caretaker (during the day, at least), and this always brings a smile to my face.
Thanks again for inviting me to contribute–it’s been great connecting with so many interesting executive types:).
On the other side of the situation are the self-doubt pressures that we carry, the one’s we can distract ourselves from. Sometimes a physical crisis is exactly what we need to put our fears of inadequacy in perspective.
We all worry about how we’ll perform, as in your example, when we’re on stage to showcase our expertise. When the world around us is quiet, our minds start firing all those “you’re not good enough,” “you’re not prepared enough,” and “what if I blow this” messages. That makes it’s own kind of sweat.
What we all need then is a little perspective about who exactly is better than us to deliver the message, what’s the likelihood of blowing it (we never have before), and what effect would an average performance have. Not much.
A little positive self talk and a dose ofdistraction (like the kids are sick and hubby’s away) that get us “outside of ourselves” is often better remedy than finding a stronger deodorant!
Thanks, Linda, for a really interesting post and all the fascinating comments that went with it. It’s a wrap! ~Dawn
Thanks for the support, Dawn. It is a sad situation when we need to be reminded via illness about what’s worth worrying over, and what is truly a priority. I love that you mention getting out of our heads, as often that’s exactly the best dose for curing depression and runaway anxious thoughts.
There’s been some amazingly insightful comments here–lovin’ it!
Yay! It’s a wrap:).
Love the shocker that our First Lady had that experience!
Sometimes I think those moments test not just ourselves, but the relationships we have with others. True bonding, I believe, happens most easily in our humanity, not our “executive image.”
Hi Elizabeth–
You didn’t know that about Michelle? Glad to provide the shocker experience!
Blame the ‘executive image’ vernacular on Daria-hehe!
Never underestimate the strength of humanity–thanks for the reminder:)
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Vanessa Pollard, Linda Esposito. Linda Esposito said: New post on corporate females execs and *gasp* anxiety http://ow.ly/3NjuZ Please share #psychology #stressmanagement [...]
Linda, AWESOME post. Your writing is amazing…the post brought up a whole host of feelings (in me as well as countless others, it seems!) Good food for though on this blustery AM when I’ve already checked my son’s forehead to confirm that he is NOT fever-ing and I can still take him to school and then dash off to a meeting followed by a full day of clients.
Robyn Gobbel, LCSW would like you to check out…Who- What- When- Where- and Why- Adoption Counseling
Hi Robyn-
Thanks for your nice words. I try to write from the heart. Glad your son does not have a fever, and I hope you can take a few moments (as Katie suggested) to relax, regroup, and release any uncomfortable feelings-you deserve it!
Linda, you did such a great job of capturing the inner dialogue of working women everywhere. It resonates with me especially because I am a workin mother of two boys. There is always that internal conflict of trying to be the best at being a professional and at being a Mom. Somedays, I really do wonder if I am doing both jobs well or if I am falling short in one of them. It is wonderful to see that other women struggle with some of these same issues and have to self motivate in order to get the job done. At the end of the day, there is always the reward of knowing that you gave it your very best shot.
Tough Cookie Mommy would like you to check out…Monday Mingle 13
Well said, Maria. I think we all feel like this–even mom’s who do not work outside of the home. It’s a tough call, but you’re so right, at the end of the day, you know you gave it your best shot. And if you truly didn’t think it was worth the sacrifice, you’d likely find a way to stay at home. There’s no need to feel guilty, or second-guess your decision to work (which may or may not be, too flexible).
And you’re giving back to those scandalous little middle-schoolers (who will always have a special place in my heart, btw;)), and I imagine many of them see you as the mama they don’t have.
Thanks for your kind words:).
I’m really glad you brought up the Obama example and the fact it did not carry the negative repercussions we imagine. We put SO much pressure on ourself. How many times have I said: I HAVE to be at this meeting, or I absolutely CAN’T reschedule.
Really?
What if I had a heart attack? What if my child didn’t just have a cold, but something more serious?
During my last year in the corporate world, it seemed every time my husband went on a trip, my daughter got a fever and couldn’t attend daycare. The first time, I took her to a video teleconference with me, where my co-workers fed her candies and she was mesmerized by the whole experience. The second time, I found a last minute but wonderful babysitting service. Expensive, but worth it.
In retrospect, I realize there’s hardly a meeting I can remember, much less absolutely required my presence. Second, co-workers and bosses are more understanding than we give them credit for. And if they aren’t? We should be looking for a new place of work.
Hey Jen-
You could not be more right when stating that co-workers and bosses are a lot more understanding than we give them credit for. Like you said, “Seriously?” is the corporate ladder going to collapse because we missed a day of work to care for a sick child? And how valuable are we when stressed and unfocused, anyway…
I’ve learned (after the mistakes in the early years) that no work responsibility absolutely required my presence.
Thanks for sharing your awesome input:).