Taking the Highroad Less Traveled

Dear Abby:

Life’s not fair. Why am I up at 2:00 a.m. Googling “anxiety and depression help,” and “coping with anger” while my friends and coworkers sleep soundly at night? And please don’t tell me to seek cognitive behavior therapy for depression. I tried that, and my therapist kept coming back to me. It drove me crazy…Can we puh-leez get back to the Joneses? What are they doing differently? I know it’s wrong to envy their happiness, but I’m a good person who deserves to be happy, too. I’m stuck. Please help.

-Short-Fuse Fran

Dear Short-Fuse Fran,

It is odd that people around you are calm, well-rested, and remarkably anxiety free. Hmmm…Meanwhile, you’re waiting for the green Happiness light at the intersection of Anxiety Avenue and Depression Drive, and they’re cruising on Easy Street. Or so you think…

The CDC says that nearly 10% of Americans report they are depressed at least occasionally, and 3.5% suffer from major depression.

Comparing yourself to others will only increase stress and anxiety. Why not consider charting a different direction in your life?

The new route may lead to anger management help.

But Abby, I don’t know the directions…what if I get lost? How will I know when I get there? There’s no GPS to help me…

Hold your horses, Shorty. Let’s park it in reverse for a moment.

Take a trip back to when you were 16 y/o and new to driving.

You probably grinded the gears, rather than eased into a smooth transition, right? You halted when you were supposed to come to a slow and steady stop.

You were terrified of crashing and burning when merging onto the freeway.

But with practice, you found your steady, your relaxed, and your confident.

You were determined to become a good driver because you had a destination in mind.

As an adult, you practice defensive driving as a golden road rule, right?

Why not exercise the same care and vigilance when monitoring which thoughts occupy your mind’s rear-view mirror? Are you checking?

Before you switch lanes, ask which unhealthy thoughts and behaviors you’ll leave in the dust. And stop checking out the Joneses while you’re at it. You’re in the driver’s seat, not them.

Sorry, to put it back on you, Fran, but I’m siding with Freud on this one.

Good luck,

~Abby

Can I share a psychotherapy room secret?

Based on my non-evidence-based research over the past 11 years in clinical psychotherapy practice, I find those who take the high road in emotionally volatile situations experience quicker relief from symptoms of anxiety and depression. And less anger, too.

Is it hard work to be the bigger person, in the face of evil, vitriol, and some pretty shameless negative projections?

You bet.

Ready to test-drive this baby? Think of a person in your family, work, school, or community who gets under your skin.

What if you switched gears and resisted the urge to react in a negative and mean-spirited manner?

What is your Road Less Taken?

Is it fast?

Is it slow?

Does it curve?

Will you pass by Sorry Street without making amends?

Can it include a pitstop on Anger Avenue, rather than slog through 27 miles?

Yeah, whatevers on the psycho-babble front…I’m in pain here. I’m angry…others have hurt me so much that I don’t know who I am anymore. Who am I?

A sad, but common theme in the psychotherapy room, indeed. And driving yourself sane is always an option, too.

Test-driving the Highroad:

~As much as it stings, say ‘yes’ when the ex calls and asks to switch custody weekends. So heartbreakingly wretched the truth–he plans to take his girlfriend skiing in Breckenridge. Let go. Your relationship is over. “I accept this” you cry into a river of Aloe Vera scented Kleenex. Know your time will come.

~Resist the nagging pull to tell off the customer service rep at Apple. After all, he didn’t intentionally cause the tech-glitch in your shiny, new, iPad.

~Summon the grace and poise to say a peaceful goodbye to your mother on her deathbed. Although you didn’t deserve her endless criticisms and comparisons to your siblings, grant her the dignity and freedom to leave this earth.

~Accept that drastic cut in pay when doling out the alimony for those 7 years of marital commitment. “It’s for the kids. Who cares if she spends it on expensive salon treatments? It didn’t work out, but that doesn’t give me a reason to stew in anger, and accept a lower salary just so she’ll suffer.”

~Bring pastries to the office on your last day of work. Is it unfortunate that the company down-sized and you were the last straw? Heck, yeah. But sticking it to The Man via a ballistic email is not the answer. You never know who’ll be on the interview panel for your dream job down the line.

***

Thanks for visiting.

What is your go-to secret for being the bigger person?

Please enlighten us in the comments box below.

Have fun on the Highroad. See you next week:)

~Linda

{Photo: Monkey Wings via Flickr}